It Takes One Solid Weekend Of Training To Get That Badge

I was standing with my friend Curtis on the tram stop near the corner of Collins and Spencer St, engaged in a cheery discussion about the hypocrisy of the Australian government and the inevitable demise of civilisation as we know it. We paused in our upbeat chat long enough to note that we were opposite the new Krispy Kreme donut city shop. The shop looked busy - there was a queue at the counter, despite the fact that it was after 8pm. Both of us agreed that we didnt really 'get' the whole Krispy Kreme phenomenon. Yes, they're tasty, but, you know, they're still only donuts. Why do people go berzerk for them?

Conversation wandered back onto other topics. Suddenly a siren whooped and two police cars came racing down the street towards us, lights flashing, the works. They pulled up outside Krispy Kreme. Curtis and I were like, whoa, maybe a donut fan has gone mental! Riots in the store as punters fight over the single remaining glazed chocolate item! The cops hopped out of the two cars and headed inside. A few minutes later I was like, What happened, are the cops still in there? We checked - and discovered that no, the cops weren't inside now, they seemed to be standing in a little clump around their cars. They certainly didn't look like they were working hard to break up a hostage situation, or even a food fight.

Curtis: Haha, how funny would it be if the cops have actually just turned up to get some donuts?
Me: Yeah, hahah, you know, cops love their donuts, gobble gobble! Like Chief Wiggum!

And it was at this point that a store employee wearing some kind of wacky get-up - possibly a Krispy Kreme sandwich board-type arrangement - scurried out of the store and handed a large cardboard box to the cops.

Curtis: Oh, no way.
Me: They can't possibly be--

The cops rested the box on the hood of one of the cars, opened it and...

Curtis: They are!

Yes, they were. They were eating them. Cops! Eating donuts! On the job! LIKE CHIEF WIGGUM! And they'd driven up with sirens a-blarin' and lights a-flashin', and everything! Curtis and I stood shocked. Complete strangers started to join us.

Businessman: Did those cops just turn up at Krispy Kreme to score donuts--
Us: Yep.
Irish Accent: And now they're all standing around eating them?
Us: Yep.
Businessman: Good God.
Irish Accent: *baffled* You mean... Just -- car -- arrive-- cops-- now -- donut -- eating?
Us: You are correct, sir.

After a bit more head-shaking and muttering from those of us watching along the lines of 'Am I dreaming?' 'I can't believe that just happened' and 'Why don't you go and catch some fucking rapists, you knobs,' the transport arrived and I left, but not before Curtis and I, without a camera or phone to record the incident, resolved I must blog it.

The Jelly Verdict
And so I do, in order that the story not be lost and forgotten forever in the sands of time. The tale must be told. Mine own eyes did not deceive. Your taxes at work. WIGGUM LIVEZ.